Joke Thursday

With a tip of the cap or apologies as may be required to rdl who usually does "Joke Friday."

Mrs. Goldberg was very concerned about her son, Abie. Now in his late teens, Abie seemed to have no direction in life, no goals. Mrs. Goldberg confided to her friend, Mrs. Wise, that, to her, Abie seemed to be just drifting through life. Maybe she was missing something. Wasn't there anything she could do to find out if Abie really did have a purpose or a calling?

Mrs. Wise said there was. "We'll give him a test," she said. "Is there some place you can hide and still see the dining room table?" Mrs. Goldberg nodded. Mrs. Wise continued. "Good. So, one day, next week, when he comes home from school, hide so you can see the dining room table. On the dining room table you put three things:

"A $50 bill,

"a bottle of whiskey,

"and a Bible.

"Watch him and see what interests him," Mrs. Wise counseled. "If he takes the money, he's interested in business. You could do worse."

"True," agreed Mrs. Goldberg.

"If he takes the liquor," Mrs. Wise continued, "that's worse: It means he's only interested in carousing and carrying on."

"And if he takes the Bible?"

"It means he'll be a scholar after all. Maybe even a rabbi."

"A rabbi," echoed Mrs. Goldberg, and she agreed to try the plan.

The appointed day arrived, and Mrs. Goldberg carefully put the $50 bill at one end of the table, the bottle in the middle, and the Bible at the other end. She waited in a closet where she could watch. Eventually Abie came home.

He saw the items on the table right away. He walked around the table, looking at each. Back and forth he walked. Finally he stopped. He picked up the money and put it in his pocket. He picked up the bottle, opened it, took a generous swig, and put the bottle under his arm. The he walked over to the book, picked it up with his remaining hand and left the room.

Mrs. Goldberg was nearly hysterical with grief: "Oh no!" she cried, "He's going to become a Catholic priest!"