Tagged by Linda -- Things you shouldn't say around [fill in the blank]

Linda, of "Are We There Yet??," tagged me with a new meme, "Things You Shouldn't Say Around ______________."

How you fill in the blank is up to you. Linda was tagged by Bud; he was tagged by Frank, of Foxxfyrre's Honk'n'Holler (The link will take you to the post in which the meme originated; you can follow it, if you wish, to see whether I've followed the rules... or not.)

Linda picked things you shouldn't say around policemen; Foxxfyre chose things one shouldn't say around zombies.

I was going to pick children... but that only gave me one idea... not eight as suggested in the rules.

(That one idea? You shouldn't say anything around children that you don't want repeated. At the worst times. Or in the most embarrassing ways.)

So, I thought a bit more, and I came up with a number of things you shouldn't say to a judge. Be warned, these are a bit harsh:

8. What are you wearing under that robe?

7. I think you must have hit yourself on the head with that gavel once too often.

6. My brief is written using only words of one or two syllables so that you have a fair chance of understanding it.

5. Have you known opposing counsel long or did you only start sleeping with him recently?

4. Now I know why so many lawyers rated you "not qualified" in the last bar survey.

3. Contempt of court? Heck, no, I like the court fine; it's you I can't stand.

2. I'm so glad I didn't vote for you.

And the number one thing you should never, ever say to a judge:

1. Do I pay you off here or do I see your clerk after?

I'm afraid to tag anyone with this. Heck, I'm afraid to post this. But here goes....