Monday, August 13, 2007

Tagged by Linda -- Things you shouldn't say around [fill in the blank]

Linda, of "Are We There Yet??," tagged me with a new meme, "Things You Shouldn't Say Around ______________."

How you fill in the blank is up to you. Linda was tagged by Bud; he was tagged by Frank, of Foxxfyrre's Honk'n'Holler (The link will take you to the post in which the meme originated; you can follow it, if you wish, to see whether I've followed the rules... or not.)

Linda picked things you shouldn't say around policemen; Foxxfyre chose things one shouldn't say around zombies.

I was going to pick children... but that only gave me one idea... not eight as suggested in the rules.

(That one idea? You shouldn't say anything around children that you don't want repeated. At the worst times. Or in the most embarrassing ways.)

So, I thought a bit more, and I came up with a number of things you shouldn't say to a judge. Be warned, these are a bit harsh:

8. What are you wearing under that robe?

7. I think you must have hit yourself on the head with that gavel once too often.

6. My brief is written using only words of one or two syllables so that you have a fair chance of understanding it.

5. Have you known opposing counsel long or did you only start sleeping with him recently?

4. Now I know why so many lawyers rated you "not qualified" in the last bar survey.

3. Contempt of court? Heck, no, I like the court fine; it's you I can't stand.

2. I'm so glad I didn't vote for you.

And the number one thing you should never, ever say to a judge:

1. Do I pay you off here or do I see your clerk after?

I'm afraid to tag anyone with this. Heck, I'm afraid to post this. But here goes....


Jean-Luc Picard said...

Some who have ended up in jail have probably said those.

Barb said...

Hey.. good answers to a fun meme!

katherine. said...

I'm gonna send these to a close family friend who is a superior court judge.... I won't use your

Lae said...

Nice blog? What about link exchange with my one?
Here it is
If u agree, then post a comment on my blog.
Good Luck,

Shelby said...

very funny! I was trying to think of something to add to it . . but I can't just this moment.. I will tho probably about 2 am.. it'll be something from "My Cousin Vinny."

Linda said...

I just knew you would do a great job with this! Now, though, the rules say I'm supposed to add one thing to the people I've tagged but this is going to be tough!

Thanking ... thinking ...

Still thinking ..

Let me get back to you on this one. It's been a long day and I think my brain has stopped functioning!

emmapeelDallas said...

These are a HOOT! And I know a judge or two I'd like to send them to...great post!

may said...

"have you tried wearing one of those wigs?"

cmhl said...

I love those!!! haha! so true!

things you shouldn't say to your priest:

can I buy an indulgence?
is bingo gambling?
you should really meet my (cousin, sister, aunt..)..
my grandmother really wanted me to be a nun, but I didn't because...
so there was this priest, this rabbi, and Bill Clinton...

The Curmudgeon said...

I hope you all noticed -- Katherine and Judi both threatened to send this on to judges of their acquaintance -- NOW YOU KNOW why I'm an anonymous blogger.

Shelby -- My Cousin Vinny is a very good primer on how not to behave in court... and a very funny movie.

And CMHL -- good to hear from you again -- I like your list. We're 'Papists', you know, but Middle Son attends a Lutheran college. In a whimsical moment, I told him he could try and get pocket money by selling indulgences... and I have since lived in fear that some fine day he may, in an equally whimsical moment, take me up on it!

Frank Sirianni said...

Hi curmudgeon,

Great job with this one, tooo funny. Thanks for playing!