Take a memo to Campus Security to be on the lookout for this guy in August, OK?

The Ultimate Rejection Letter

---

Herbert A. Millington
Chair - Search Committee
412A Clarkson Hall, Whitson University
College Hill, MA  34109

Dear Professor Millington,

Thank you for your letter of March 16.  After careful
consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable
to accept your refusal to offer me an assistant professor
position in your department.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving
an unusually large number of rejection letters.  With
such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is
impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous
experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your
rejection does not meet my needs at this time.  Therefore,
I will assume the position of assistant professor in your
department this August.  I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,
Chris L. Jensen

(Found here.)

Anyone who's ever applied for a position -- and been rejected -- can identify with this. If only it were possible to get away with it....