New NO PRIZE contest: Name the worst 70's song EVER

Sari, of The Geek Inside, inadvertently inspired this with a Friday shuffle post. I've noticed a lot of these in my travels -- seven songs, or 10, or a dozen -- some number of tunes that you're listening to right now.

But what about songs that make you queasy all over... that make your flesh crawl... that make you look for a blunt object to smash the radio with? There are bad songs in any era; as near as I can tell, bad and worse have cornered the contemporary market.

But the 70's were a Golden Era of horrible songs... and Sari mentioned one of them today: "Hooked on a Feeling" by Blue Swede (not Blue Suede, Sari).... Hooogashaka! Hoogashaka! Hoogah -- hoogah -- hogashakah! At least Bob Sirott had great fun with that awful intro during the afternoons on WLS. (I believe the accompanying photo of Mr. Sirott was taken shortly after his bar mitzvah.)

It's so easy to cite horrible songs from the 70's -- anything by Cher, for example (although... at the time... and remember I was young... I kind of liked "Half Breed" or "Gypsies, Tramps & Thieves.") I always hated "Rock On" by David Essex -- yet it's still in heavy rotation on oldies stations across the country today. And anything by Tony Orlando and/or Dawn or by Donny and/or Marie are just too, too easy.

So the foregoing aren't truly bad enough, people. We are looking for real, awful, terrifyingly bad tunes. Here are some of my suggestions. After you take your anti-nausea meds, come back in the comments and add your own nominees. Let's strive for consensus here, people!

• Seasons in the Sun -- performed Terry Jacks -- by Jacques Brel, translated into English by Rod McKuen. We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun... the heck we did!


• One Tin Soldier -- performed by Coven -- from the movie "Billy Jack."




• Alone Again, Naturally -- performed by Gilbert O'Sullivan. A lovely ditty about a man threatening suicide. So jump already! But no! He had to stand up there whining about how miserable he was, making us all miserable in the process....
  


• Spiders and Snakes -- performed by Jim Stafford. And she said, "I don't like spiders and snakes/And that ain't what it takes to love me..." Whatever it would have taken, however little it might have been, just would not have been worth it....


• The Night Chicago Died -- performed by Paper Lace. How this became a hit in Chicago, I'll never understand: Daddy was a cop/On the East Side of Chicago/ Back in the USA/ Back in the bad old days. Um, the East Side of Chicago is called "Lake Michigan." (When distinguished from the rest of the South Side, Hegewisch and surrounding environs would be considered the Southeast Side.)
  

OK, folks, now it's your turn: Do your worst!

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Additional inspiration for this post, as well as the Sirott baby picture, were found at WLS Musicradio The Big 89 -- a history of the Chicago station during the 1970's.