Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Heads or Tails #56 -- Recipe

Welcome to this week's edition of Heads or Tails, the meme brought to you each Tuesday by Barb, of all things Skittles, who, this week, has poked a particular sore spot in the Curmudgeon's hide. I'll get over it. But, first, I'll explain.

I am a reasonably caring and sensitive male. Not in Alan Alda or Phil Donahue territory, mind you -- but I can fake it for a minute or two. Usually. I can iron a shirt. I have been known to do the laundry. I can usually be prompted into picking up after myself. At least at the next commercial....

But I don't cook.

In the course of more than a quarter century of married life, Long Suffering Spouse has chosen to overlook most of my many faults. (Thus... "Long Suffering.") However, from time to time, my inability to cook has chafed, just a tad.

Part of it is that I don't much care for food. I eat, obviously, when necessary -- and even, judging by my substantial girth, when not entirely necessary.

But I am not a "foodie." I don't care what spice is here, or what herb is used there. If it tastes good, I'll eat it. I won't ask questions.

And I really don't want to know.

On the evening news sometimes, rather than investigate who's profiteering from skyrocketing gasoline prices (for example), the news editors will provide a restaurant review. The reviewer will gush over (and display pictures of) teeny tiny portions of pigeon meat, set atop a brillo pad and covered by a contrasting carmelized ooze, resting next to a little dollop of white turnips or a slice of some vegetable I've never heard of. (Which is most of them.) The foodie reviewer seems to award more points for bizarre, inedible combinations.

I am repulsed always. Long Suffering Spouse is repulsed only sometimes.

If I were hungry enough, and if this junk were presented in a casserole or stew pot, I might eat some. As long as no one told me what it was. But to get a big plate with only a little on it as some sort of "presentation" is a visual cue for me: I can't eat it. I wouldn't on a bet.

Fortunately (for me) Long Suffering Spouse is an excellent cook and a better baker. And she (usually) enjoys it. I can keep her from getting too upset with my lack of culinary skills by scrubbing the occasional pot and pan. And, if worse comes to worse, and if disposable income permits, I can dial for a pizza with the best of them.

But I don't do recipes.


anthonynorth said...

My food tastes are simple. I do cook sometimes, but prefer to call it warming up food :-)

Tumblewords: said...

I mostly don't cook either and am always so pleased to find someone who will cook for me, that I'll eat ANYTHING. Anything, I say.

Barb said...

I'm not one for those big plates with a dollop of some sort of food with a sprig of something next to it.

I'm a comfort food person. Give me chicken & dumplings, turnip greens and cornbread!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

I'm just not into cooking at all.

bundle-o-contradictions said...

Cute! My Poor Hubby's a better cook than me. I like a good recipe, but he'll just go in there & do whatever & it always tastes better than mine! Happy Tuesday.

Rob said...

We're not foodies by a longshot, but Dede can tackle most simple dishes and I enjoy cutting loose & getting a little creative in the kitchen during the holidays. (Mostly, I just dread the cleanup.)

By the way, your blog today sequed just perfectly into the September Blogtipping blog post I've been prepping for a couple of days, so I hope you don't mind that I quoted you.

Cathy said...

If I gave my husband a plate of food like the one you just described, he wouldn't touch it either. He is a meat and potatoes man and he likes to eat, a lot! I love to cook and to bake so it works out good in our house because I am not a big fan of eating, just cooking it.

Anonymous said...

That just made me laugh out loud. Thanks! You might like my post on meatballs and grape jelly. :-)

Anonymous said...

Good post! Keep scrubbing those pots. If I cooked (which is not a healthy choice for people who eat it) I would truly enjoy having somebody clean up the damn mess.

Anonymous said...

Good post! Keep scrubbing those pots. If I cooked (which is not a healthy choice for people who eat it) I would truly enjoy having somebody clean up the damn mess.