Looking back? Why? (And looking ahead is scary,too)

This is Janus, the Roman god of beginnings and endings -- the deity who survives in the name we give the first month of each new year, January. (And, Wikipedia tells us, Janus, as the caretaker god of doors and halls, survives also in the word 'janitor.' Who knew?)

"What would you like to do tomorrow?" Long Suffering Spouse asked me. We were alone. We had retired for the evening. Middle Son was still out. Younger Daughter and Youngest Son were still awake as well, doing whatever it is that teenagers do when their parents are not present. (I like to think they secretly read books. Wouldn't that be nice?)

"I'm going to work," I said.

"No, later."

"Well, Middle Son is going to go down to Champaign, so I'll worry about him. And Younger Daughter is going to insist on going somewhere. Anywhere. Anywhere but here -- "

"No, what do you want to do?"

"Nothing in particular. Maybe we'll put on a Fred and Ginger movie." If Bing Crosby is the 20th Century image of Christmas, Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers are the dual spirits of New Year's Eve. In my opinion.

Long Suffering Spouse was unhappy with my answer. We're both happy to see 2007 out -- for many, many reasons. But I see no point in celebrating it. I don't want noisemakers or champagne. I don't look forward to being awakened by the phone ringing at midnight as Older Daughter and Abuela check in. (And, yes, I probably will be asleep.)

Nor am I looking forward to next year. Why should I? Changes will come; they always do. But they won't occur because the page turns on the calendar; changes will come, for good or ill, in their own time and for their own reasons. Wednesday will be very much like today -- a second Monday in the same week, in fact -- except that, on Wednesday, the public holiday decorations will be taken down.

There are reasons to be hopeful; if there weren't we couldn't go on. But New Year's Day doesn't make me hopeful and it doesn't make me happy. It just reminds me that time is passing... and I must face the reality that there's less and less time to do the things I'd hoped to do... or dreamed of doing....

No. Look too far ahead and you'll see only the waterfall. I'm in the rapids now, and I must concentrate on where I am right now and on what I need to do right here lest I be swept over the falls prematurely.

Happy New Year. In 2008 I resolve to be funnier.