Monday, February 18, 2008

Shhh -- the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition is out

A couple of years back, Long Suffering Spouse succumbed to Youngest Son's plaintive entreaties and agreed to subscribe to Sports Illustrated.

"It's fine," she said. "He likes sports and he needs to read. He can read about sports."

"OK," I said at the time, "but that also means he gets the Swimsuit Edition."

Long Suffering Spouse blanched. "Well, I don't want that," she said.

"It comes with the subscription," I said.

Last year I happened to be home the day the magazine came out. I intercepted it and threw it in my briefcase and took it with me to work. Neither Long Suffering Spouse nor Youngest Son ever asked about it.

The 2008 issue came out last week -- I was going to post an illustration with this post, but I figured that would only get me in trouble -- and I had begun to wonder whether the magazine would fall into Youngest Son's clutches this time.

Then the other night, Long Suffering Spouse and I fell asleep in front of the TV, just as we do on almost any night. We woke up somehow, at some indeterminate hour, and staggered up to bed. My job, at this point, is to put out the lights and check the front door lock.

As I got to the front hall on this particular night it dawned on me that I hadn't seen the mail for the day. I don't really want to see the mail -- it usually contains bills, and who wants to see that? -- but I don't want to leave the mail sitting in the mail slot either. In the cold weather, we stuff a towel in there to help keep the cold out. So I pulled out the towel and a number of envelopes fell out -- bills and junk mail, just like usual. But I reached up to see if the slot was clear... and I found an obstruction that proved to be this year's Swimsuit Edition.

I put it in my briefcase and took it to work the next day. So far neither Long Suffering Spouse nor Youngest Son has asked about it. I'm betting Long Suffering Spouse has forgotten about it entirely -- and Youngest Son is probably wondering how his mom managed to get a subscription to the magazine that doesn't include the issue with all the bikinis.

And may I make an observation here?

I know this may sound strange. But I find the issue kind of... boring.

It's not that I don't find the girls beautiful, or the settings exotic. It's just that there's page after page after page after page after page of it. It's too much. It has, well, a numbing effect.

And, of course, the accompanying text is hilarious, although I'm sure that's not the intention: Every picture includes details about the swimsuit depicted, who designed and manufactured it, and its retail cost. And so many of these teeny, tiny wisps of fabric allegedly retail for $200, $300, even $400 and up. I can't believe anyone actually buys these things. Or is this just another example of how far out of touch with popular culture I've become?


Empress Bee (of the high sea) said...

hey curmy, we could go into the bikini business. i mean how much could it cost to make one? a buck? a buck fifty? whaddaya say?

smiles, bee

Jeni said...

I have a love-hate relationship with any magazines that either regularly -or sporadically -have articles in them, with photos and in depth descriptions of the clothing pictured. And when I read the price tags on these items, I cringe first and then usually laugh (with a bit of bitterness in my laugh too) that people, women especially, must be absolutely crazy to pay the prices listed on some of this apparel. Bargain prices according to the magazines too -like $180 for a skirt and another $100-120 (and up) for a blouse to go with it -recommended for office wear, ya know. What kind of salaries are being paid that people feel they can "afford" prices like that for clothing and still be able to feed themselves and buy gasoline for their vehicles? Sure as heck must be a vast difference in wages between what the average Jill in this neck of the woods earns for "office work." Now, I wonder if my older daughter has any credit balance left on her cards cause I can see her rushing out to purchase some of this stuff, not waiting for any of it to go on sale either. Some people are just plain nuts -said daughter pretty much included in that number too!

sari said...

my husband gets SI and he feels the same way. i mean he *looks* at the swimsuit edition, but he looks at it once, the day he gets it, and then literally is ready to throw the magazine out.

our neighbor across the street gets it every year...he, um, appreciates it more, I guess.

did you know you can request your subscription not have the swimsuit edition? they'll add another issue or two or something on to your subscription to make up for it.

and, the bathing suit costs? ridiculous. kind of like shoes and handbags. what real person is going to pay $400 for a bathing suit or $800 for a pair of shoes unless you're on tv. not me.

sari said...

or, you could just steal it out of the mail slot and stick it in your briefcase every year, ha ha!

TroyBoy said...

Hmmm, should my comment take the moral high ground or be low brow? Suffice it to say that everyone is entitled to their opinion about SI Swimsuit edition and mine is that I hope, though I doubt, that folks realize what they're really taking a second look at is the craftsmanship of some very skilled airbrush artists. Objectify women all you want SI, if that's your thing, but let's be real about it.