Today is Cyber Monday... and Stuffing End Day... and a Fabulous Gift Offer... well, fabulous for me, anyway....

Welcome cyber-shoppers! Thanks for taking just a bit more time out of your employer's work day to come and visit me here at Second Effort. I apologize in advance for not being able to add to your collection of promotion codes.

All across America, employers are seemingly resigned to the loss of productivity that occurs annually, now, on the Monday after the Thanksgiving weekend. Today is the day when people take advantage of their employers' faster-than-home internet connections to buy Christmas gifts online. Employers: Just think of today as a sacrifice you must make for the sake of our economic recovery.

Today is probably a good day, too, to either finish any leftover turkey stuffing or throw it out. If you fail to heed this good advice you may need another kind of recovery altogether.

The good news, according to news reports this weekend, was that "Black Friday" sales were better than expected. I don't understand why "Black Friday" is supposed to be a good thing: Nothing seems less likely to usher in a season of peace on Earth and goodwill toward men than fighting for the last parking space at the mall or cutting in line at the checkout.

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Shoppers are being warned this year not to buy store gift cards. Should the store go bankrupt and close, the cards may be worth just pennies on the dollar. They may become entirely useless. Still, it's the thought that counts, isn't it?

Therefore, this year I've decided to offer "Second Effort Gift Cards." These will come in seemingly large denominations -- $100 or $200 or $500 -- so you can impress your unsuspecting friends and relations with your generosity. But, for a limited time only (the principal limitation being how quickly the authorities catch up to me) I'll sell them to you for $10 or $20 or $50.

How can I afford to do this? Simple! I have no gift shop at which the cards can be used! We bypass the danger of bankruptcy rendering the cards unusable because the cards are unusable to begin with.

This is efficiency at its finest.

Or it would be... if I ever set up a Paypal account.

Ah, well, back to the drawing board....

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The Enterprise Christmas Party is in full swing now at Captain Picard's Journal. If you're not yet ready to resume working, er, to resume cyber-shopping, click over and visit the party. Each year Picard lets his readers write their own party entries. Mine ran today.