Wednesday, April 03, 2013

Guest post by the Baby to Be Named Later

The following post was found underneath the baby's high chair this morning. My granddaughter's printing isn't the greatest, but I think I've been able to faithfully transcribe it....
-- Curmudgeon

Grandpa C thinks I don't know about his blog. No one else in the family does. But I'm a baby and I have nothing to do all day except pay attention. So I see all sorts of things.

Don't worry, Grandpa, I won't tell.

Not unless you get me really mad at you.

I don't think that's very likely. Grandpa is a big guy, taller than Daddy even, and he has a deep voice. I like it when he laughs. I don't like it so much when he yells.

When I'm around he seems to laugh more. If he's not laughing enough, I'll make faces at him.

He usually makes faces right back. But he laughs then, so it's all OK.

And Grandpa will change his voice, too. He'll make his voice higher than Mommy's or he'll talk with an accent. The other morning he was walking around the living room reciting something he called Shakespeare. Daddy didn't like that very much. Grandma said Grandpa was doing a Richard Burton voice, but I don't know who that is. Grandma wanted to see what Grandpa had poured in his coffee cup. Grandpa said it was just coffee, but Grandma said she wasn't too sure.

This has been a busy few days. That's why I thought I'd write this post for Grandpa, because he seems more tired than usual.

There have been a lot of people here and I've been a lot of places, too.

We went to church Saturday night for something called the Easter Vigil. Daddy said that he never spent that much time in a church before. Grandpa said sure the Mass was long, but he said it was a fair trade because he got to sit down. I don't know what Grandpa was talking about: I got to sit down -- I stayed in my car seat the whole time -- but Grandpa and Grandma and Mommy and Daddy kept standing up and sometimes Grandpa and Grandma and Mommy were kneeling. Grandpa said it would be much worse on Sunday, but Daddy wasn't convinced.

But everyone kept telling me how good I was, even though I wasn't doing anything I don't usually do. I had my toys, and there are things to play with on my car seat. And I had my nookie (Grandpa calls it a 'plug' sometimes but Grandma and Mommy don't like it when he does) and there was a lot of singing to listen to and pretty lights to look at. The windows at home are clear and you can see outside right through them, but the windows in church are all sorts of different colors and pictures. You can't see outside at all. Still, I like the pretty colors. And eventually I found where all the people were singing: They were upstairs, way in the back. Grandpa called it the choir loft. I guess they have to stay up there because they're so noisy. But everyone could hear them anyway and no one seemed to mind all that much. When Mommy gave me a bottle, about midway through, I wanted to sing, too, but Mommy and Daddy shushed me. Maybe they were afraid I would have to go upstairs in the back, too.

And then Sunday, Mommy and Daddy and Grandma and Grandpa all cleaned house because people were coming over, probably to see me. That's usually why people come over.

I've seen all these people before. They're called Aunts and Uncles and there sure do seem to be a lot of them, but Grandma was sad because one of the Aunts couldn't come over. She lives too far away. I remember her, though, because she talks to Mommy and Grandma all the time on the phone and because she and Uncle Hank have a GIANT dog they call Cork. He licks my face. I'm sure they'll come over to see me soon.

Mommy was laughing Sunday because she called one of the Aunts Aunt Margaret and everyone seemed to think that was funny. But I'm pretty sure her name is Margaret. But Mommy said it was funny because Margaret isn't married yet, or something like that, but Mommy and Grandma seem to think it's going to happen one of these days. I don't know what that 'it' is, but they're looking forward to it.

And my Aunt Abby brought a little tiny dog. I'm bigger than this dog -- her name is Rodent -- but when I reach out and try and pull her to my mouth, she runs away.

There were a lot of people in my face Sunday. And all the Aunts wanted to see me get my diapers changed. I'm not sure what the attraction is.

Monday Grandma and Grandpa were tired. They had to take one of my uncles back to school Sunday night. Apparently he came home Saturday night, but I can't prove it. It happened after I went to bed. And I was asleep before they got home from wherever they took him.

But even though he was tired Grandpa went with Mommy on an errand so she can get her taxes filed. Daddy spent a long time doing something called a tax return for him and Mommy but the computer rejected it because the Mommy's name on the tax return wasn't the same as on her Social Security card. Shouldn't it be Mommy everywhere?

But grownups do funny things, I'm finding out, so Grandpa and Mommy had to go out -- but I got to stay home and play with Grandma. So I was happy. And Mommy was still Mommy when she got home, so she didn't get changed too much.

Then everybody -- including me -- had to get dressed up to go to something called a wake. Grandpa has friends called Uncle Steve and Aunt Charlotte and apparently Aunt Charlotte had a Daddy, too, but he died. I don't know what that means, but you have to get dressed up when it happens. And I think Aunt Charlotte was feeling bad because Mommy said that I would cheer Aunt Charlotte up.

Grandma and Grandpa went first because I had to eat dinner. You really can't cheer people up on an empty stomach, I've found.

Mommy and Daddy took me to a building they called the funeral home. We had to go there in the car, but they took me out of my car seat this time. And there was no choir loft for noisy people either. Everyone was noisy. I saw all sorts of new faces. One of my uncles came by but mostly these were new faces. They seemed to know Grandma and Grandpa and Mommy though. I don't know how many knew Daddy, but they all said hello to him.

Grandpa took me from Mommy for awhile and he looked like a balloon that was about to pop. And all these strange new faces peered in at me and said things to Grandpa. But he laughed and they laughed so it seemed to be OK.

And then Mommy took me to see Aunt Charlotte and Aunt Charlotte picked me up and gave me a big hug and Mommy said I made her feel all better and I was glad. And Aunt Charlotte introduced me to her baby, but I think she was foolin' me because she handed me to a grownup who has to be as old as Daddy.

Yesterday we saw Aunt Charlotte and Uncle Steve again. Grandma and Grandpa and Mommy and I went to a different church, but there was singing and Mommy had a bottle for me and I got to stay in my car seat so I thought it was all pretty good. I wasn't too sure about the bagpipe, but Mommy seemed to think it was a good thing. Then we went for a long drive and I think we went into another church. This time there was a flag and a trumpet and a lady dressed up in a sailor suit. I know about sailor suits because I saw a picture once of a baby in a sailor suit. (Mommy tried to tell me that it was Daddy in the picture but it was a baby and I know the difference between a baby and Daddy even if I am only six months old.) And there was a man in this new place, too, in a blue suit with a white hat. Everyone else took off their hats in this place but the lady in the sailor suit and the man in the white hat did not. And they folded up a big flag and gave it to Aunt Charlotte as a present. I don't know what she's going to do with a big flag folded up like that, but she seemed to think it was a good thing to get. I really liked the trumpet part. After it was over and everyone was real quiet I tried to make the same noise the trumpet did, and I think I did a pretty good job: Everyone looked at me and most of them were smiling.

Then we went back into the car, Grandma and Grandpa and Mommy and me, and we went to some restaurant and, wouldn't you know, Uncle Steve and Aunt Charlotte were there again. I think it was a party for me because everyone wanted to come over to see me and look at me and talk to me and make faces at me.

I have to admit that, by this point, I was getting tired of new faces. It had been a busy few days and I had missed my nap. So maybe I was a little fussy. Mommy had to walk around with me for awhile and I guess I did fall asleep finally. But everyone waited around until after I got up and came right back to visit me again.

Grandma said that babies should be mandatory at all funerals and I'm not sure what that means but Aunt Charlotte sure seemed happy to see me. Rather than go to all this trouble to put on a party in a restaurant, though, I don't know why she just didn't come over to the house with everyone else on Sunday. But there's a lot I have to learn, I guess.

1 comment:

Empress Bee (of the high sea) said...

maybe someday you'll send me a picture of yourself so i can see you!

smiles, auntie bee