Marketing geniuses that they are, Crust had persuaded Long Suffering Spouse to buy an Anti-Cavity variety for the younger members of the family, a Whitening formula for the teens and young adults, and the Tartar Control mixture for herself and me.
I presume that one reason why Long Suffering Spouse accepted the need for multiple tubes of toothpaste was that, this way, I could squeeze my tube from the bottom and roll it up in the conventional, time-honored method, while
It seems now, however, that the Crust people have created a toothpaste that may be all things to all people: Having rolled up the Tartar Control tube to the point where I was completely satisfied that none was wasted, I discovered and undertook the use of Crust's new "Pro-Health" formula.
Presumably this is more successful than their "Anti-Health" formula, but one never knows.
On the still not-yet-rolled-up tube is a lengthy list of all the things this new wonder concoction is supposed to do: It seems to offer cavity control, gum protection, teeth whitening, breath freshening, and cures for mumps, dengue fever and the yaws. I was tempted to rub a little into my increasingly large bald spot to see if it might not also prove an effective hair restorative but, alas, time was short this morning.
The new tube even has a flip-top cap that can't roll off the sink counter and behind the toilet. (Don't lie. This has happened to you, too, and you've rescued it, rinsed it -- I hope! -- and put it back on the tube without telling anyone.)
Having sampled this magical elixir this morning, I can only assume I will accomplish great things today. That sound you hear in the distance this morning may be caused by me, whooshing through the papers stacked up on my desk.